Most individuals don’t love it, with the exception of Type Three (Competitive Achiever) or Type Eight (The Boss). But, as you’ve probably discovered, giving and receiving feedback is an inevitable aspect of life, especially for leaders.
A four-step feedback approach can assist you in activating your core and making providing and receiving feedback less intimidating. Instead of having a subconscious, emotional outburst, you can use it to ground yourself and respond objectively to any situation. The main point here is that excellent leadership requires the ability to provide – and receive – feedback and mentorship.
First, pay attention to the behavior you want to change. “John, I observed you were late today,” you should say as if it were raining: “John, I noticed you were late today.” Second, you must interpret. It’s critical to give people the benefit of the doubt in any situation, but especially as a leader: “John, I noticed you were late today. Is it possible that it’s because the subway was late?”
Feeling is the third step. We all have different ways of dealing with worry, but we strive to be as direct as possible while remaining sensitive to the other person. “I noticed you were late today, John.” Perhaps it’s because the subway was running late. I, on the other hand, am dissatisfied.” Fourth, there is a requirement. That is, tell the other person what you require while maintaining a neutral tone of voice: “John, I noticed you were late today. Perhaps it’s because the subway was running late. I, on the other hand, am dissatisfied. I’m curious as to what it will take for you to arrive on time.”
Being able to provide and receive mentorship, which is a more involved form of feedback, is also linked to effective leadership. Mentoring, according to author Jim McPartlin, is the most honorable thing a leader can do. Why? It strengthens your core while also reaping positive karma, ensuring organizational cohesion, and bringing satisfaction. You must concentrate on and hone your own three centers of intellect when mentoring another individual.
If neither you nor your mentee has much experience with the Enneagram, do some research, take an online exam, or take a class together. You might not comprehend their Enneagram type at first, so don’t put them in a box. Your mutual awareness of each other’s personality types, on the other hand, will lay the groundwork for effective conversations, which will lead to a more real and fruitful working relationship.
Fear is something we all face in life, and for many people, public speaking is at the top of their list of fears. However, as a leader, you’ll have to address an audience on a frequent basis, whether it’s five people or 500. You may keep losing sleep over it. You might also use the Enneagram to overcome your phobias and effectively command a room.
Let’s take a look at a Type One (Strict Perfectionist). Their main concern of public speaking is feeling inept, thus practice is a good tool to have before presenting a presentation. It’s also beneficial for both the speaker and the audience to laugh with Type Ones. In fact, using humor to deal with difficult situations, enhance morale, and increase productivity is a terrific way to go. The main takeaway is to use humor, self-awareness, and other Enneagram types to deal with fear and failure.
Our concerns have a habit of taking on a larger sense of threat. Take a page from Harry Potter’s “Riddikulus” spell, which turned the young wizards’ greatest nightmares like a big spider, into hilarious shapes – like that spider on roller skates. First, figure out what you’re afraid of. Then, until you’ve cracked a smile, turn your focus to the problem and gently mutter, “Riddikulus.”
Another major concern is failure. Let’s equate getting fired or missing a promotion to breaking your leg in a skiing accident. One requires a trip to the hospital, a cast, and time to recuperate. You beat yourself up, fall into denial, or lash out in wrath with the other. I’m not sure how that makes any sense.
When you fail, which is a subjective phrase in and of itself, rejuvenation should be your top goal. The ideal way to start this process is to use your three centers of intelligence: use your Heart Brain to practice compassion, your Head Brain to rationally consider what happened, and your Gut Brain to go ahead.
McPartlin’s life was forever changed for the better, the day he was sacked from his job as a hotel general manager. He put in his earbuds, switched on the Hercules soundtrack, and stepped into his future as an Enneagram consultant after an initial moment of shock, melancholy, and rumination over a chocolate milkshake.
He vowed to breaking free from his own Type Six (Loyal Skeptic) tendencies by embracing the strengths of all Enneagram types in order to fail “well.” How might a Type Three (Competitive Achiever) prepare for the week, for example? He’d build a to-do list for himself!
You can use the tools provided by each of the nine types. Even if it’s only for a short while, trying on a different type can help you rise from the ashes and reposition yourself. Conflict occurs on a daily basis, and it has the potential to derail even the most well-intentioned leaders. It could be caused by a variety of factors, including divergent value systems, different levels of competitiveness, and misaligned perceptions about the quality of a project. But what is the single most significant source of conflict? Miscommunication and misconceptions are caused by differences in pattern expression.
You must first understand how you manage yourself before attempting to mediate others. And it all starts with a cold, hard look at your own habits of behavior. The main message here is to recognize and release your tendencies in order to diffuse conflict and increase teamwork.
George Rodrigue’s Blue Dog series is a collection of paintings. Tiffany, his departed dog, is depicted in the photographs as she travels through space and time in search of her owner. The same dog appears in a smaller series, however this time it is red instead of blue. This is when Tiffany is “being her bad self,” according to Rodrigue.
Each of us, like Tiffany, has a good and terrible side. Different personality types deal with conflict in different ways instinctively, but regardless of the manner, each type has a higher and lower expression. A Type Four (Intense Creative), for example, will express their good self as self-aware and calm in a difficult circumstance; their bad self, on the other hand, will be irritated, theatrical, and withdrawn.
We all have an internal observer. Practicing tuning into this unbiased set of eyes during a tight moment will help you recognize when you’re falling into your negative self – and change course in real time. This will help you deal with disagreement and develop your leadership skills.
The Enneagram may assist collaborative teams in expressing their best selves, just as it can assist individuals in expressing their best selves. The key to effective, joyful teamwork is learning to acknowledge another’s point of view, express your own, and then work together to solve the problem. Three Enneagram subtypes or instincts can help you gain a more nuanced understanding of others’ perspectives: self-preservation, which implies a sense of security; sociability, which implies a desire to belong within a group; and one-to-one requirements, such as partner intimacy or intimate friendships. Each of us is compelled to choose one of the three possibilities.
Have you ever had an instant connection with someone? That’s most likely due to the fact that your subconscious kinds are in harmony. Then there are those with whom you simply do not get along. What is it about them that irritates you? What do you do to get them to react? You can make a concentrated effort to show you care about and value the Type Four’s trigger points, for example, if you know they are feeling neglected or undervalued.
It’s difficult to let go of your habits without knowing if the other person would do the same – and the learning and growing process might last a lifetime. It’s worth the work, though, as with any excellent connection. Learning to lead begins with learning to control oneself, and self-awareness is essential to this process. The Enneagram is a tool that can help you identify your core strengths and weaknesses. Your patterns are hardwired, but they don’t define you; instead, you may use them to your advantage by perceiving them clearly. In the end, you’re OK just the way you are – but with a little active introspection and dedication, you can go from good to great in both your professional and personal lives.
So, here’s what you’re going to have to do. To talk the talk, you must first walk the walk. You can’t lead others effectively unless you’ve walked in their shoes. In the Florida summer heat, Jim McPartlin cleaned rooms and then outside toilets as a fresh hospitality school graduate. He went on to become a hotel manager after a few years, but he never forgot about that first encounter. In the end, you’re never too senior or high-ranking to undertake the unappealing “dirty” task. A team culture of mutual awareness, trust, and respect will be fostered by having and acting on such a mindset.
Check out my related post: How can you take better care of your people?