As we’ve seen, the language we use has a significant impact on our behavior. It can, of course, have a significant impact on other individuals in our lives. Consider how much a compliment may boost your mood or how much criticism can wound your ego. Let’s look at how words may help or hurt our relationships, and how we can utilize them to do more of the first and less of the second.
Giving critical criticism is now one of the most difficult things for many of us to do when speaking with coworkers, friends, and family. It’s difficult to give such critique without rubbing someone’s self-esteem in the wrong places. Fortunately, the Velvet Hammer is a simple-to-assemble instrument that can soften the blow.
Simply take your critical criticism and wrap it in some gentler words to put it together. You can use this template, which is made up of four stem words: “noticed,” “wondering,” “probability,” and “when.” The following is the template: “I noticed X, and I’m wondering how likely it is that you’ll do Y, and when you’ll do it.” “I saw that you’ve been late with your deadlines recently, and I was wondering what the chances are of you getting back on track, and when you believe that would happen,” for example.
Of course, it’s equally critical to provide people constructive comments on their positive characteristics and achievements. You can use a shortened version of the Velvet Hammer template to offer this feedback, replacing the words “noticed” and “wondering” with the terms “noticed” and “wondering.” “I saw that your sales have increased by 25% in the last quarter, and I was hoping you could share your techniques with the rest of the sales staff,” for example.
Try awarding a “Because of You” trophy if you want to go beyond words. To accomplish this, purchase an actual trophy and present it to someone who has done something exceptional. “This office is such a better work environment because of you,” you may say to a coworker if you were gifting it to them.
Allow the recipient to keep the trophy for a few days before deciding who gets it next, if you want to make this a regular occurrence at your business. The positivity will continue to be paid forward in this manner.
Now we’ll take a look at the four personality lands. You’ll be able to take your language game to the next level with this metaphor in hand! To begin, consider four countries. Each one represents a distinct personality type, each with its own set of motivations. Then there are those from the “Land of Social.” Their motivation is to be accepted and noticed by others in their immediate environment. Then there are some who live in the “Land of Factual.” They’re fixated on precision. Then there are those from the “Land of Driven.” Their main goal is to win. Finally, there are some who live in the “Land of Helpful” people. It’s all about lending a helping hand.
The trouble is, each country has its own language. Social individuals, for example, frequently use exclamatory phrases such as “Amazing!” “Wahoo!” and “Yay!” The vocabulary of factual individuals, on the other hand, is far more matter-of-fact and detail-oriented. Meanwhile, Driven individuals are concerned with the “bottom line,” whereas Helpful people will continue to offer assistance until you accept it. “How about a cup of tea?” No? Why don’t you try a sandwich? No? “How about this…” You get the picture.
It’s critical to note these language differences while interacting with someone from another country. This will aid in the translation of your conversations. Let’s imagine you’re wanting to thank a Helpful individual for assisting you with the installation of some shelves. “Wow, wonderful job with the shelves; they’re exactly straight!” you would say if you’re a Factual person. That’s the kind of precise feedback a Factual person craves; for a Helpful person, though, a better praise would be, “Gosh, I couldn’t have done it without you!”
Other individuals, on the other hand, are unlikely to be familiar with the four-land metaphor, so you’ll have to mentally translate their remarks. If you’re a Factual person, for example, a Social person telling you that your work is “wonderful” may appear painfully unclear. However, if you remember what this word means in the Land of Social, you’ll understand that they’re offering you one of their highest praises.
The more fluent you are in all four languages, the fewer misunderstandings you will have and the better you will get along with others. Sad, enraged, joyful, and fearful are the four main emotions. We can think of them as residences that we temporarily live in, with one of them serving as our permanent dwelling.
We must “pay our RENT” — an abbreviation that stands for Rest, Exercise, Nutrition, and Thoughts – in order to shift from one of the negative dwellings to the House of Gladness. Simple tools, methods, and techniques can assist us in approaching these four aspects of life in a healthy manner. Breathing exercises, light exercise, avoiding sugar, and repeating affirmations to ourselves are among them. We can also improve our communication with others by using softer words when offering feedback and recognizing the diverse languages of different personality types.
You’ve just learned a slew of new concepts, skills, strategies, and jargon that can help you be happier and more successful. But don’t keep them to yourself; share them with your coworkers and incorporate them into your company’s culture. Include them in your organization’s list of expectations as one approach to do this. In times of stress, your list can encourage your team members to pay their RENT, take Purple Breaks, or conduct the 4-4-6 exercise. You can also use these concepts and terminology in your everyday encounters. For example, in response to an email asking you to postpone a meeting, you may use the AFA acronym to remind folks that you’re Always Flexible and Adaptable.
Check out my related post: Why should you choose yourself?