To build true friendship, what basic ingredients do we mix together? On the list, you won’t find personality styles. The flavor of our friendships can be influenced by our extroversion or introversion, but neither personality trait is better or worse.
We do not need humor either, but without a good dose of it I would not want any of my friendships. Anything to do with similarities in age, race, or social standing is also lacking. None of these actually prevents this deep bond from forming, whatever our differences. Here are some essential ingredients of true friendship.
- Be deliberate and frank.
Depending on what inspires you, heal the friends you want to welcome into your life. It’s not about cutting off less than ideal friends or being elitist, it’s about discovering relationships that support your own capacity for development and doing it with purpose. A beautiful collection of eyeballs has been given to you so that you can recognise what’s awesome about others and they’re out there, waiting to be rewarded and seen by you. Just be deliberate about what you are looking for an equivalent, not a duty, should be found. Resist emotional impulses that don’t support who you are to cling to “easy” and shallow relationships. Try to use critical thought and act with integrity. Don’t let fearful feelings get the best of you. This is the person that you want to invest in. You don’t owe anything to anyone.
2. Be your own friend.
You have to handle yourself like a person with whom it’s worth being friends. Be proud, cheerful, optimistic, and talk about yourself very well. Take note about how you present yourself and your life, including how you refer to yourself. You should be proud of who you are and trust your principles with faith. The most significant one is self-preservation. That means asking that others get fair care. No apologies. You’re showing that you are not worth investing in if you tolerate bad conduct.
3. To motivate trust, give it first.
If you want confidence from another person, first of all, you feel worthy of friendship, display openness and vulnerability. Put yourself out out there! It encourages people to do the same and feel relaxed with you. Tell how you feel and be comfortable looking stupid. I find it helpful to clearly narrate how I feel, like, “I have a hard time opening up because I have never done it before,” and see what comes back, if you are a self-protective person and trying to train yourself to be more vulnerable. Let go of manipulating the result, aka having to govern what they think of you and you will give them the gift of your confidence. This talent also urges others to rise to the challenge.
4. Be consistent.
A true friend is never going to give you up or let you down. He’s never going to turn away or desert you. The tough times are made easier by frequent friends and the easy times are better. Facebook friends may come to ruin, but more than family, a true friend sticks closer. Often without any engagement, we see friendship as the only relationship. At will, we enter or leave. This is the beauty of it, huh? We feel no responsibility to stick it out, unlike marriage and family. As an ongoing option, we openly give our loyalty. It’s real that we join friendship willingly. When we join it though, is it also valid that we have no responsibility for our friends? Oh, no. Everyone expects a friend’s loyalty.
5. Be transparent.
We know that friendship demands integrity. But we also know how, without being transparent, to be frank. True friends don’t just know the truth about each other; they know the truth as a whole. They see us more clearly often than we even see ourselves. True friends will see through our hearts as light shines though transparent objects.
Our mates learn about our greatest joys and deepest sorrows over time. Our strongest values, views, and fears are learned. Our most difficult temptations and our most embarrassing mistakes are known to them. We break open to our mates the doors to our hearts. And our friends knock softly when we don’t so they care enough to see how we really do it inside. At least one person who knows us as well as we know ourselves is needed by each of us, maybe even better than we know ourselves.
It’s not about capping your heart to a very small few. There’s no limit to how many friends you can have. It’s about believing in others who in your life are capable of reciprocating respect, so that you can grow brighter and faster, and then give others who need your inspiration and love more of yourself to see their best selves. I believe that you do, if you don’t have great friends now. You deserve to find your tribe, in all your glory, to be seen, understood and cherished. You deserve to receive help and recognize that you may count on others. Cheers to friends forever!
Check out my related post: Do you have true friendships?